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Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category
How Soon Is Too Soon? Could you be like Khloe and Lamar?
So this week Baller Alert reported that Khloe Kardashian (Kim’s younger sister) is set to marry NBA Baller Lamar Odom this Sunday (9/27/09) after only ONE month of dating. Of course, most people’s reaction to this news has been mocking. Here’s Khloe, a serial baller-dater and Lamar yet another baller who didn’t make the mother of his children his wife in all the 12 years they were reportedly together. Other media outlets are already reporting that Lamar and Khloe will have a spinoff show after their wedding is taped on “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” All these rumors and the circumstances surrounding their relationship don’t exactly give anyone the feeling that this is going to be a lasting union.
But what do we know?
I will be honest, I could absolutely envision myself doing something like this. Since I’ve never met anyone that the shine didn’t wear off of within two weeks, on some level I feel like a month would be long enough for me to decide that I was willing to make it work with the first man who is respectful of men and can hold my interest longer than two dates and one disagreement. I’m not saying I would be in love with him. I’m not saying that I would know or understand him. But what I am saying is that I think it’s possible to just have a “feeling” about someone.
I don’t believe that love, honesty, or respect keep marriages together on a whole…I think that a genuine willingness on the part of both parties to make a relationship work is what keeps a marriage/relationship together. From that dedication grows the love, honesty, and respect that allow two people to be happy together. How many of us know two people who love each other yet one or both always have one foot out the door? You have to want it.
Maybe Khloe and Lamar are having a publicity stunt moment. Maybe they’re getting married because they both have business ventures that they can help each other with. Or maybe they’re getting married b/c fuck it, they’re young and it seems like fun idea. Doesn’t everyone have a different idea of what marriage should be? One person’s idea of marriage might be love and romance, another person’s reason for marrying might be soley to have a family.
I find this union between Khloe and Lamar intriguing and confusing on many levels…the marriage within a month of meeting is the least of it.
Read more: www.singled-out.net |twitter.com/sojdanielle |facebook.com/jdanielle
Could you be happy single forever?
One of my friends had a facebook status about whether or not women should higher or lower their standards in dating. It was one of those random nothing questions I hate (and try not to do in my blog) that always sparks a male vs. female controversial and stereotypical debate (which I also hate).
In the comments, one woman said that she refused to lower her standards even if it meant that she would be single forever. She said if she finds someone, great, if not, that’s ok too. If I remember correctly, she cited her age as early 30s.
I used to think this way, but not anymore. Well, not quite, anyway. I could be happy alone forever, but I’d need a psychic to confirm that was my fate first. My discontent with being single lies in the uncertainty of it all. If psychic told me I’d always be single, it would change my life in many WONDERFUL ways. I felt momentary comfort at the thought of NEVER EVER EVER EVER having to date EVER AGAIN. I could stop wasting my time getting to know people and dealing with the inevitable and constant disappointment if knew that ultimately there was no real point. I’d also adopt two kids BEFORE I turn 30 rather than waiting until after I turn 30 just in case I meet someone with whom I could have a family. You can’t buy or psychologically force that kind of freedom.
Another great gift that a psychic could bestow on me by confirming that I’m never going to fall in love or get married is to free me from being impacted by other people’s opinions and statements on single life. People could keep their stupid ass advice like don’t worry you’ll find someone, or when you stop looking that’s when you find a mate (this is all bullshit by the way), and if I knew I was going to be single I could just tell them that and point them to my psychic. I wouldn’t be tempted to read blogs on ways to meet people because I’d already know that none of the advice applied to me. And most of all, I wouldn’t have to deal with some people’s hurtful reactions to me being single.
I was dating a guy who asked me the inevitable question, “when was your last relationship.” The truth is I’ve only been in one sort of relationship but it isn’t even worth counting, it didn’t last long and he was gone most of the time. So, to be totally accurate, I’ve never been in a relationship in a real sense and have been single since I started dating in high school. I hate answering this question because people are so judgmental. The person asking the question could have been in 10 relationships that all ended badly and they will still judge you even though, at this point, both of you are still single i.e. in the same boat.
But I digress. When he asked me the question, I answered honestly. Of course, he reacted badly. For the first time, I decided to ask why is never having been in a relationship or having been in love so terrible? And he said because, if you’ve been single that long that means that either nobody wanted you or you were too busy being a ho.
OUCH
People have different reasons for wanting to get married or be in a relationship. I am personally in need of a teammate. Someone who can help me make financial and career decisions, who I can call when I hear something funny or when someone makes me sad. Someone on whom I can bestow my growing need to nurture, and, of course, someone to have sex with on a regular basis, travel with and do activities….someone to grow old with and raise a family.
If you’re someone who wants that, what do you do without it? Obviously, you can be happy single. I am proof of that. But for how long? It’s undeniable that GOOD/HAPPY relationships are invaluable even independent of marriage. How would you feel if no one ever loves you that way again?
I’m googling for a psychic in my area right now.
Sidetreat:
Every time I’m upset about how a man has disappointed me, I realize my disappointments have been TRIVIAL compared to some. Check out Dr. Michelle Callahan’s site. She answers a question from a reader who was literally robbed and financially ruined by his mate. He wonders if he will ever be able to date again or if he can just accept being alone. Made me sad!