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Archive for the ‘Social Networking’ Category
In today’s social media environment, it’s not uncommon for people to immediately friend or follow each other on facebook and twitter once they meet. It’s so common, even I made this mistake.
I met a guy, he seemed nice, we friended each other on fb about two weeks before we went out on a date.
It was downhill from there.
It was pretty much over when he cancelled on me saying he was tired and then spent the next 3 consecutive days partying (according to the ridiculous amount of pictures he posted to his facebook page) and then didn’t attempt to reschedule. I’m not bitter that he clearly didn’t want to go out with me anymore because to say that anyone who regularly parties on consecutive days during the week is not my type is an understatement, but I like to find out someone is a lying asshole the old fashioned way.
Through female intution!
When you’re interested in someone the LAST thing you should do is follow or friend them on a social networking site. In fact, even if I get into a serious, exclusive, committed relationship with someone (imagine that!) I shall not be their friend on facebook (unless our privacy settings block us from everything but sharing a relationship status) and I damn sure won’t follow them on twitter.
Why?
Because the first thing you do when you friend someone on facebook/myspace is look through their wall posts, photos, and status comments. You’re looking to get a sense of who they are, what types of people they hang with, but more importantly, who on their list have they been sleeping with or trying to sleep with?!?!?!
It is at this point you start to read WAY too much into every well wish and innuendo. Next thing you know, it feels like new dude is cheating on you and yall haven’t even been out on a real date.
I have gotten many a man in trouble by writing something that is in my opinion innocuous and reflective of my friendship with him, only to have him send me a message like “I had to delete your comment, yo’ my girl was asking about you.” To which I respond in true J Danielle fashion “WTF is she talking about? if I wanted you I coulda had you already.”
Which is why I beg all of you to quit with the friending and following. You are ruining your relationships and more importantly mine. The whole point of dating is to find out about someone not to research them and draw your own dumb/inaccurate conclusions. A date is a time to enjoy another person’s company not to slowly roll out questions you have about their last couple tweets.
Twitter’s slogan is “What Are You Doing?” and it reminds of a little story about a wise woman…my mom.
My parents have been married for 33 years and like most married men, my dad is dependent on my mom for everything from food to conversation. One day, like many days, my dad was repeatedly calling my mom on her cell phone. So finally my dad calls me, who, at the time was living 547 miles away. He asks me if I’d heard from my mom because “she’s not answering her cell phone.” I said “no I haven’t, but I’m sure she’s fine.” He says “mmhmm…I don’t know. She’s not answering.” We hang up, I call my mom on her cell, she answers on the FIRST ring. I said “MOM! What you up to?” She said “Nothing, girl I’m in Walmart getting my prescription filled.” I said “Oh…well daddy called me and he said you weren’t answering your phone.” And she said “I DIDN’T answer it.” I said “why not, you answered it for me.” She said, “oh that’s different…Yo’ Daddy don’t need to know what I’m doing.”
WELL SAID!
Apparently, in modern society it’s now common to meet people two places: At work or online.
If you’re like me, the work option isn’t really an option. I don’t work around many single people, and certainly not very many single men who are around my age. In fact, at my full time job I am on a staff with 60 employees 8 of them are male, and only 1 is single.
A few years back I discovered online dating. I met a two guys off of black planet while I was in college. One, I ended up keeping in touch with over several years. I also met a guy from Craigslist, and finally, I was set up on a date by the Washington Post’s Date Lab, a series in the paper in which two people are sent out on a blind date with $100 and a camera and are subsequently interviewed by Post writers and chronicled in the Post magazine . I was the only person in Date Lab history to be paired with someone who didn’t even have a job. They titled the article “Will She Be is Sugar Momma.” Funny. *sarcasm*
My foray into online dating hasn’t been very extensive but I’ve done enough to know that I don’t like it. Right now, thanks to a wonderful friend, I have a subscription to EHarmony. I haven’t used it yet, but I will. And yes, I will blog about it. However, my issue with EHarmony is the same issue I have with facebook and other social networking or dating sites.
T.M.I!
Yes that means Too Much Information.
I’m a sucker for butterflies. There’s nothing like seeing a man for the first time, making eye contact, giving him the finger wiggle (my way of letting a man know he should come over), and then getting excited when he finally grows a pair and comes over and approaches you (which they rarely do).
As he walks toward you, you start to wonder, how old is he? Where is he from? How does he smell? Is he fresh out of a relationship? When’s his birthday? I wonder if he goes to church?
You can’t get that kind of wonderment online. Friending someone on facebook will answer all the questions above either through the person’s information page, their wall, or their own tattle-tale status messages. EHarmony, Match.com, Chemistry, Black Singles, MeetWealthy and all the rest tell you all your potential partners likes, dislikes, preferences etc. right from the gate!
It’s all too much! I don’t want to put together a story about the man I’m interested in. I want him to put it together for me. Through long conversations on the phone. Walks around the National Mall. Through his actions. Through introductions to his friends.
Soon I will be posting a blog about how I believe that I am a victim of first impression prejudice. Men see me and they think I’m a certain way and no matter how long they know me they can’t shake their initial thoughts. It’s hard enough to build a relationship with someone from a clean slate, but online dating makes it near impossible and so does social networking.
Nowadays when we meet someone in person, we damn near end up online dating because the first thing people do is follow each other on twitter, friend each other on facebook, get their Black Berry Pin #s, exchange cell numbers so they can text message, and find out whether you’re gonna talk on AIM or Yahoo messenger. I was talking to a guy over the winter and I wasn’t sure if I was dating him or if I’d just signed up for a virtual penpal.
I don’t wanna type to a man, I wanna sit near him. I don’t want to read his random thoughts, I want to hear his voice. And I don’t want to know what he likes in bed, I want him to show me.
If you follow me on twitter, you know that although I am being myself, I am showing only 1…maybe 1 and a half sides of me. One male that I tweet with all the time told me that he perceives me as bitter. On one hand I wasn’t surprised because black women could walk around smiling constantly and passing out cupcakes to strangers and we would still be accused of being angry and/or bitter; however, on the other hand I was shocked because I’ve never been bitter, I have great relationships with men, and have said repeatedly I love twitter because of the access to chatty men and their thoughts.
The fact is that regardless of how he came to the conclusion that I’m bitter, his perception was further proof to me that social networking sites only provide a glimpse into someone’s life and even that glimpse is out of context.
The bottom line is that no matter how you meet someone, you can’t ever replace or compensate for the time and energy it takes to get to know someone. And no matter how much information you get in advance, you still have to take a chance.
Right now I have a #twitcrush on a dude that I tweet with…if we ever exchange numbers we will both have one less follower on twitter. I am going to block him.
Singled-out.net“`www.twitter.com/SOjdanielle