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Archive for the ‘Interracial Dating’ Category
How Soon Is Too Soon? Could you be like Khloe and Lamar?
So this week Baller Alert reported that Khloe Kardashian (Kim’s younger sister) is set to marry NBA Baller Lamar Odom this Sunday (9/27/09) after only ONE month of dating. Of course, most people’s reaction to this news has been mocking. Here’s Khloe, a serial baller-dater and Lamar yet another baller who didn’t make the mother of his children his wife in all the 12 years they were reportedly together. Other media outlets are already reporting that Lamar and Khloe will have a spinoff show after their wedding is taped on “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” All these rumors and the circumstances surrounding their relationship don’t exactly give anyone the feeling that this is going to be a lasting union.
But what do we know?
I will be honest, I could absolutely envision myself doing something like this. Since I’ve never met anyone that the shine didn’t wear off of within two weeks, on some level I feel like a month would be long enough for me to decide that I was willing to make it work with the first man who is respectful of men and can hold my interest longer than two dates and one disagreement. I’m not saying I would be in love with him. I’m not saying that I would know or understand him. But what I am saying is that I think it’s possible to just have a “feeling” about someone.
I don’t believe that love, honesty, or respect keep marriages together on a whole…I think that a genuine willingness on the part of both parties to make a relationship work is what keeps a marriage/relationship together. From that dedication grows the love, honesty, and respect that allow two people to be happy together. How many of us know two people who love each other yet one or both always have one foot out the door? You have to want it.
Maybe Khloe and Lamar are having a publicity stunt moment. Maybe they’re getting married because they both have business ventures that they can help each other with. Or maybe they’re getting married b/c fuck it, they’re young and it seems like fun idea. Doesn’t everyone have a different idea of what marriage should be? One person’s idea of marriage might be love and romance, another person’s reason for marrying might be soley to have a family.
I find this union between Khloe and Lamar intriguing and confusing on many levels…the marriage within a month of meeting is the least of it.
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Interracial Dating: Black Women Aren’t Angry…Just Jealous!
I believe that black women are not angry that black men choose to date women of other races. I believe that black women are jealous of the fact that black men have more freedom than they do to make such a choice.
When black females snipe about interracial dating it’s usually because traditionally black men have BLAMED black women for their DECISION to date interracially. And, most importantly, because men of other races don’t pursue black females like white and other women want pursue black males.
Basically black females have displaced jealousy that comes across as anger. If Roco, Matt, Juan, Giovanni, Kamir, and Biff were dating pursuing black women in HEAVY numbers you wouldn’t hear a PEEP out of black women when it comes to black men dating outside the race. Black girls wouldn’t have time to comment, they’d be too busy sampling all the tasty flavors.
But alas that is not the case. Black men in America are held up as the standard of masculinity. Everybody wants to give people dap and listen to Jay-z cause the cool black guys around the corner are doing it. Unfortunately, black women aren’t held up as the standard of femininity. It is very difficult for black women to overcome the personality stereotypes.
Photo via cdn.theurbandaily.com/
There are plenty of relationships in which women bring the chocolate to the party, check this post over at balleralert.com for a taste. But the fact remains that those “other” men are not approaching or as interested in black women as their women are in black men.
In other words, it’s not fair!
Back men contribute to this problem by picking up the degrading language in rap songs and speaking as though they are living a similar lifestyle. I can forgive many rap stars for their words because they actually live the life they are talking about. They actually are approached frequently by promiscuous females. They actually are aggressively pursued by girls who want them just because of their fame or money.
But most men aren’t dealing with these types of women.
Photo via Vibe.com
Yet too many black men speak as though they live the lifestyle of some famous rapper or well-known professional athlete. Too often I hear men with no gold complaining about gold diggers. Men with no group criticizing groupies! Men who are in need of sex calling women whores. I often wonder what they even know about it??
The answer is NOTHING.
Nevertheless, when black women see a black man with a woman who isn’t black, they should train themselves not to care. That includes when you view a blog on Terrell Owens or any other eligible celebrity black bachelor and his latest non-black conquest. Keep your comment to yourself. You will feel better and be better for it. Not all black men who date interracially believe negative things about black women, and if they do, that’s an issue for them to figure out, not one for you to point out. Chalk it up to a loss. On the other hand, black men must stop putting black women down to defend their choice to date interracially. The truth is it’s not headscarves, values, morals, or attitudes that make black men date outside their race. It’s simply a personal choice that doesn’t require defending.
Finally, black women should aggressively explore other races of men as potential mates to assist in ridding themselves of that “All the black men are gay, taken, or dating women of other races” feeling. I recommend the, “if you can’t beat’em, join’em” approach. Try happy hour with the white people. Do brunch at the Asian fusion restaurant. Show these South Asian men how sweet and nice you are. Check the “race doesn’t matter” box on your Eharmony profile.
Everyone should know that black women are approachable, generous, and know how to work with their men and support them so they can reach their dreams, just like any other race of women. Remember when the First Lady was first introduced to the public? Certain groups of Americans were determined to paint her as an angry person. She refused to let it stick, so should you.
Anyone who says the numbers of marriageable black men in this country aren’t low is a damn uneducated fool. However, a black woman’s power to increase the odds of her getting married and bearing children within a marriage is in her own hands. Though it may require thinking outside of the box…or at least checking a different one.