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Why I Don’t Dance with Guys at the Club
I love to dance. I always have. And, actually, I’m pretty good. When I was really young, my parents would tape MJ and Janet videos for me. I’d spend hours and hours practicing to those tapes until I’d mastered every move down to the smallest hand motion.
When I got older, my friends and I started a singing group and we performed in talent shows. I’d watch hours of videos from different recording artists in order to choreograph our performance.
I went to my first real dance when I was a freshman in high school. I walked into the party and went straight to the middle of the dance floor where I believed I belonged given my dancing ability. I didn’t pay attention to the way other people were dancing, until an R. Kelly song came on, (I think it was, “It Seems Like You’re Ready), and one of the boys from my high school came up behind me, spun me around and tried to grind on me. I pushed him away and put my hands on his shoulders so that we were still dancing together but not touching. He said to me “That’s not how you dance, come on now.” I looked around and noticed that every couple dancing looked like they were simulating some sort of sexual experience. I turned to him and said, “Well, I don’t wanna dance then.” He muttered something about me being stuck up.
I didn’t care.
I would only grind on my man!!
As I’ve gotten older, the expectation that a man should be able to rub his crotch and hands up against my body just because I’m moving to the beat of a song and every other girl is doing it has gotten stronger. I can’t even the count the number of men who have approached me at a party and attempted to molest me. I use the term “molest” because I was told in elementary sexual education that molestation happens when a stranger touches you inappropriately. And I believe that every time a woman dances with a man in the club she is subjecting herself to a type of consensual molestation that is nontheless gross in my view.
I’ve never really be into the club scene and I believe this is the reason why. When I was in college I had girlfriends who also liked to dance. We’d all go to the middle of the dance floor together. But then they’d start dancing with some guys leaving me dancing happily alone. Well, as soon as I’d be alone someone would try to dance with me, taking all the fun out of an otherwise enjoyable night.
I hate that when I politely decline to dance with a man, they assume that I am rejecting them on an individual level. When, in fact, I am simply rejecting the practice of adult strangers humping on each other in public. If this same man would have stood facing me while we both did the dougie, everything would be fine…but men don’t want to dance with you unless they can put their unfamiliar hands in places only familiar hands should go.
Once I did try to dance with a man thinking, well, if all the other girls are doing it, maybe it’s not so bad. A guy moved in close behind me and put his hands on my hips as we rocked side to side. I wasn’t too disgusted at first, until he put his hand on my back and tried to push me forward as though he was “hittin’ it from the back.”
I realized then, that I don’t need to be doing what every other girl is doing. I mean other girls were wearing matching denim jackets and jeans and lining their lips with black liner and I wasn’t considering doing that. I was born an individual, and have decided to remain that way.
Nowadays when I go the club (a very rare occurrence) I stay off to the side and only dance on songs that really move me. If I had my wish I would be swag surfing and doing the Dallas boogie and the stanky leg all night. But unfortunately, I’m too afraid of being attacked. I wish I could dance with reckless abandon, not worrying about explaining my position on molestation; however, until that becomes reality I do the bulk of my dancing in my house or at Joy of Motion, the men there don’t mind keeping their hands to themselves.
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Written by JDanielle
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9 Responses to “Why I Don’t Dance with Guys at the Club”
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Bla bla bla this is wack! Just dance lol not every guy is a molester. U have the right to be selective but clubs r made for linking. Ppl who go to dance with themselves should remain in their bedroom dancing with their friends or in the mirror, no?
Dry humping is the best! Though when you do decline they be like “I didn’t like you anyway B****! lol Child Please! I can do the dry sex dance but when you go as far as putting your hands between my legs or on my breast please be prepared for a beat down! I also hate when you walk by a dude and they also think it’s ok to grab your hand!!!!!!!!!!! BACK THE HELL UP!!!!!!!!!! If I don’t invite you to invade my personal space, then do not freakin touch me! When I lived in Miami my friends was a little afraid to go out with me b/c I was most likely to get into a fight with a dude! I dress normal b/c I have class so I don’t understand why they think it’s ok for them to try to treat me like a street walker? I don’t do clubs anymore b/c there is a time you do have to grow up but I’ll do drinks at the bar! lol
Rondel apparently you’re right! Damn shame! Jackie, Miami is the worst for being grabbed on and whatnot as you know. But yeah dudes all over the country have an attitude thinking you are theirs for the touching (Rondel). I BEG TO DIFFER!!! To touch on dress, I do like to wear revealing and short clothing, yet another reason I don’t want to dance with people. Just nasty.
Lol to clarify I’m not in between her legs, nor grabbing her anywhere unless I’m invited. But I do feel like a good whine is a part of a good party. I don’t spend money and time at a party to chill wit my ppls and just look at women dance by themselves. That’s not my idea of a good time in the least.
I think you can wear whatever you want to wear and shouldn’t have to be subjected to being harassed. I mean I do feel there are limits, but being covered doesn’t mean you are less of a whore. lol! I do feel sex has been so exposed do to technology etc. that there is no discretion anymore. Nothing is left to the imagination. We are about to see a wild generation folks… no more Care Bears, Strawberry Shortcakes and Barbie Dolls. Ohhh and Barbie would not be humping in public
Maybe because I am a product of foreign parents and grew around pretty much nothing but foreigners I don’t really see a problem with grinding in the club as long as it doesn’t consist of some random fool who thinks he can rub up and down my body. Nothing wrong with whining my hips to some sexy melody.
Like you I don’t do the club scene but that’s because between the ages of 17-20 I milked it for everything it was worth.
If you don’t like being grinded on may I suggest a reggae club?
I know, I know you’re probably like, “are you freaking kidding me? Jamaicans are the worse.” But actually typically speaking when you go into a Jamaican club there’s a large group of people in the middle of the dance floor or off to the side just showing off their dance moves with their crews. (At least the ones here in NY.) Not to say that grinding doesn’t go on. But you’ll fit right in dancing by yourself without being looked at as uppity.
***shrugs***
O and LMAO at “Dry humping is the best!”
Lol that sounded like a comment from some horny 5th grade boy.
My problem IS the rubbing up and down my body. Men do that all the tiiiiiime! I’d have no problem with our bodies touching (a little) but men take it too far, and I don’t like it when it’s EXPECTED.
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