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Posts Tagged ‘Meeting people’
How Soon Is Too Soon? Could you be like Khloe and Lamar?
So this week Baller Alert reported that Khloe Kardashian (Kim’s younger sister) is set to marry NBA Baller Lamar Odom this Sunday (9/27/09) after only ONE month of dating. Of course, most people’s reaction to this news has been mocking. Here’s Khloe, a serial baller-dater and Lamar yet another baller who didn’t make the mother of his children his wife in all the 12 years they were reportedly together. Other media outlets are already reporting that Lamar and Khloe will have a spinoff show after their wedding is taped on “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” All these rumors and the circumstances surrounding their relationship don’t exactly give anyone the feeling that this is going to be a lasting union.
But what do we know?
I will be honest, I could absolutely envision myself doing something like this. Since I’ve never met anyone that the shine didn’t wear off of within two weeks, on some level I feel like a month would be long enough for me to decide that I was willing to make it work with the first man who is respectful of men and can hold my interest longer than two dates and one disagreement. I’m not saying I would be in love with him. I’m not saying that I would know or understand him. But what I am saying is that I think it’s possible to just have a “feeling” about someone.
I don’t believe that love, honesty, or respect keep marriages together on a whole…I think that a genuine willingness on the part of both parties to make a relationship work is what keeps a marriage/relationship together. From that dedication grows the love, honesty, and respect that allow two people to be happy together. How many of us know two people who love each other yet one or both always have one foot out the door? You have to want it.
Maybe Khloe and Lamar are having a publicity stunt moment. Maybe they’re getting married because they both have business ventures that they can help each other with. Or maybe they’re getting married b/c fuck it, they’re young and it seems like fun idea. Doesn’t everyone have a different idea of what marriage should be? One person’s idea of marriage might be love and romance, another person’s reason for marrying might be soley to have a family.
I find this union between Khloe and Lamar intriguing and confusing on many levels…the marriage within a month of meeting is the least of it.
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Why I Don’t Dance with Guys at the Club
I love to dance. I always have. And, actually, I’m pretty good. When I was really young, my parents would tape MJ and Janet videos for me. I’d spend hours and hours practicing to those tapes until I’d mastered every move down to the smallest hand motion.
When I got older, my friends and I started a singing group and we performed in talent shows. I’d watch hours of videos from different recording artists in order to choreograph our performance.
I went to my first real dance when I was a freshman in high school. I walked into the party and went straight to the middle of the dance floor where I believed I belonged given my dancing ability. I didn’t pay attention to the way other people were dancing, until an R. Kelly song came on, (I think it was, “It Seems Like You’re Ready), and one of the boys from my high school came up behind me, spun me around and tried to grind on me. I pushed him away and put my hands on his shoulders so that we were still dancing together but not touching. He said to me “That’s not how you dance, come on now.” I looked around and noticed that every couple dancing looked like they were simulating some sort of sexual experience. I turned to him and said, “Well, I don’t wanna dance then.” He muttered something about me being stuck up.
I didn’t care.
I would only grind on my man!!
As I’ve gotten older, the expectation that a man should be able to rub his crotch and hands up against my body just because I’m moving to the beat of a song and every other girl is doing it has gotten stronger. I can’t even the count the number of men who have approached me at a party and attempted to molest me. I use the term “molest” because I was told in elementary sexual education that molestation happens when a stranger touches you inappropriately. And I believe that every time a woman dances with a man in the club she is subjecting herself to a type of consensual molestation that is nontheless gross in my view.
I’ve never really be into the club scene and I believe this is the reason why. When I was in college I had girlfriends who also liked to dance. We’d all go to the middle of the dance floor together. But then they’d start dancing with some guys leaving me dancing happily alone. Well, as soon as I’d be alone someone would try to dance with me, taking all the fun out of an otherwise enjoyable night.
I hate that when I politely decline to dance with a man, they assume that I am rejecting them on an individual level. When, in fact, I am simply rejecting the practice of adult strangers humping on each other in public. If this same man would have stood facing me while we both did the dougie, everything would be fine…but men don’t want to dance with you unless they can put their unfamiliar hands in places only familiar hands should go.
Once I did try to dance with a man thinking, well, if all the other girls are doing it, maybe it’s not so bad. A guy moved in close behind me and put his hands on my hips as we rocked side to side. I wasn’t too disgusted at first, until he put his hand on my back and tried to push me forward as though he was “hittin’ it from the back.”
I realized then, that I don’t need to be doing what every other girl is doing. I mean other girls were wearing matching denim jackets and jeans and lining their lips with black liner and I wasn’t considering doing that. I was born an individual, and have decided to remain that way.
Nowadays when I go the club (a very rare occurrence) I stay off to the side and only dance on songs that really move me. If I had my wish I would be swag surfing and doing the Dallas boogie and the stanky leg all night. But unfortunately, I’m too afraid of being attacked. I wish I could dance with reckless abandon, not worrying about explaining my position on molestation; however, until that becomes reality I do the bulk of my dancing in my house or at Joy of Motion, the men there don’t mind keeping their hands to themselves.
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Written by JDanielle
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Could you be happy single forever?
One of my friends had a facebook status about whether or not women should higher or lower their standards in dating. It was one of those random nothing questions I hate (and try not to do in my blog) that always sparks a male vs. female controversial and stereotypical debate (which I also hate).
In the comments, one woman said that she refused to lower her standards even if it meant that she would be single forever. She said if she finds someone, great, if not, that’s ok too. If I remember correctly, she cited her age as early 30s.
I used to think this way, but not anymore. Well, not quite, anyway. I could be happy alone forever, but I’d need a psychic to confirm that was my fate first. My discontent with being single lies in the uncertainty of it all. If psychic told me I’d always be single, it would change my life in many WONDERFUL ways. I felt momentary comfort at the thought of NEVER EVER EVER EVER having to date EVER AGAIN. I could stop wasting my time getting to know people and dealing with the inevitable and constant disappointment if knew that ultimately there was no real point. I’d also adopt two kids BEFORE I turn 30 rather than waiting until after I turn 30 just in case I meet someone with whom I could have a family. You can’t buy or psychologically force that kind of freedom.
Another great gift that a psychic could bestow on me by confirming that I’m never going to fall in love or get married is to free me from being impacted by other people’s opinions and statements on single life. People could keep their stupid ass advice like don’t worry you’ll find someone, or when you stop looking that’s when you find a mate (this is all bullshit by the way), and if I knew I was going to be single I could just tell them that and point them to my psychic. I wouldn’t be tempted to read blogs on ways to meet people because I’d already know that none of the advice applied to me. And most of all, I wouldn’t have to deal with some people’s hurtful reactions to me being single.
I was dating a guy who asked me the inevitable question, “when was your last relationship.” The truth is I’ve only been in one sort of relationship but it isn’t even worth counting, it didn’t last long and he was gone most of the time. So, to be totally accurate, I’ve never been in a relationship in a real sense and have been single since I started dating in high school. I hate answering this question because people are so judgmental. The person asking the question could have been in 10 relationships that all ended badly and they will still judge you even though, at this point, both of you are still single i.e. in the same boat.
But I digress. When he asked me the question, I answered honestly. Of course, he reacted badly. For the first time, I decided to ask why is never having been in a relationship or having been in love so terrible? And he said because, if you’ve been single that long that means that either nobody wanted you or you were too busy being a ho.
OUCH
People have different reasons for wanting to get married or be in a relationship. I am personally in need of a teammate. Someone who can help me make financial and career decisions, who I can call when I hear something funny or when someone makes me sad. Someone on whom I can bestow my growing need to nurture, and, of course, someone to have sex with on a regular basis, travel with and do activities….someone to grow old with and raise a family.
If you’re someone who wants that, what do you do without it? Obviously, you can be happy single. I am proof of that. But for how long? It’s undeniable that GOOD/HAPPY relationships are invaluable even independent of marriage. How would you feel if no one ever loves you that way again?
I’m googling for a psychic in my area right now.
Sidetreat:
Every time I’m upset about how a man has disappointed me, I realize my disappointments have been TRIVIAL compared to some. Check out Dr. Michelle Callahan’s site. She answers a question from a reader who was literally robbed and financially ruined by his mate. He wonders if he will ever be able to date again or if he can just accept being alone. Made me sad!
Your Foot Fetish, My Confusion
What is it with dudes and feet? I’m serious right now. What is it?
Every couple weeks as a sashay bout in my stilettos some guy compliments me on my shoes. If we end up going out, at some point he says something to the likes of, let me see your feet.
Huh?
In fact, a couple of times I have had guys compliment me on my sexy shoes and then make mention that I probably have nice feet.
Once again, what???
Does that even sound right? How do men think women’s feet get messed up in the first place?
Let me say in no uncertain terms, my feet are not cute. Since 2002, I have been wearing stilettos or some sort of high-heel on a daily basis. My feet have been rubbed to the death top front bottom and side to side. I don’t have Boomerang Lela Rochon feet, but still my tootsies are nothing to brag about or take pictures of…unless you are a photographer for Wheredeydodatat.net.
I keep my pedicures up, keep my toes painted, and feet moisturized. Still, MY FEET ARE NOT CUTE. My pedicurist (is that a word?) at Nusta spa in downtown dc gives me pedicures that temporarily make it look like I got a foot transplant. But until such a day that a foot transplant is invented, MY FEET WILL REMAIN UNCUTE. Plus, why would I bother getting a foot transplant only to, once again, insert my new more admirable feet into stiletto L.A.M.Bs?
( L.A.M.B.'s black Rasta boot photo courtesy of intheircloset.com)
Men, please use the comment box to explain your obsession with feet. Last time I checked not that many of you were into toe sucking and not that many of you are giving regular romantic footrubs…so what does it matter what our feet look like as long as we keep them moisturized so they don’t make minced meat out of your leg in the bed?
I used to have really pretty feet, before stilettos. I noticed my feet gradually becoming uncuter and uncuter as time went on but I didn’t care. My shoes are glorious and they make me feel sexy. And it’s not like my toes are jumbled up or deformed or bunioned (is that a word?) So…I just rolled, and still roll, with my stiletto lifestyle.
Honestly, I would compare having pretty feet to long hair–nice in theory but simply not practical for me. When I was growing up people raved about my hair. When I was in elementary school my mom let my hair grow half way down my back. She used to braid it really tight. She finally let me wear my hair out for picture day. My hair was so long and thick it got stuck in the cracks in my desk in class, then later, it got tangled in my book bag when I tried to take it off on the bus.
When Monica, the singer came out, I wanted to be like her so I cut my hair really short. People who barely knew me were upset as though I’d snuck into their houses in the middle of the night and chopped off their springy ash blonde curls rather than my own.
After a few years I got nostalgic and decided to let my hair grow midway my back again. Everything was fine and good until I arrived at the hair salon and found out there would be a $15 extra charge even though she didn’t quite know what to do with it. Not to mention my hair is so curly even a relaxer won’t keep it straight. Now, I only wear my real hair when I feel like letting my inner Kelis circa 1999 out, and even still I rarely let it grow past my shoulders.
The lovely Alicia Keys - who probably rarely has to style her own hair
See I have learned that having long hair isn’t not going to get me anywhere in life, and neither is having pretty feet. I figured stilettos would get me further in life than pretty feet, jury’s still out on that; however I am POSITIVE that no one is going to give me a job, a man, a house, 3 boys and a girl, or my ultimate fantasy, a Range Rover, because I have flawless feet… unless I apply at one of those foot fetish web sites. Men, if I’m wrong, please let me know how soon I could have expected my Range to arrive after us meeting if I would have showed you something pretty when I took off my Bronx leather thigh-high stilettos instead of the homely footies I display when I eventually go barefoot in front of you.
While I have you here, men should know that if a woman says she wears high-heels, in particular, stilettos DAILY and you look at her feet and they are beautiful she is lying. She may wear stilettos going out, she may wear heels around the office but she damn sure doesn’t wear them on the train or from her car to the job or to the grocery store or to the mall. You can’t have it both ways. And no 3” platforms are not stilettos, if you think they are, I got a shoe closet that will bring tears to your eyes. Fellas (and lesbians), if you like your woman in heels rather than sneakers, please understand that a flawed foot is your friend.